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I am a twenty-something second year teacher living in the midwest. I am a Christian woman and proud of it! I am the middle child of three girls. I am the proud aunt of the very beautiful Lil E and Lil C!! I love TV, movies, reading, and baseball. I am in my second year of teaching , but my first year teaching kindergarten. It has been quite the journey!

03 March 2010

Why English Teacher Die Young

(I did not create this, my fab friend Jessie sent it to me, she knows me well :) My comments are in preceeded by an *

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
*hehehehehe such a great visual!

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
*This one might be my favorite, first- it was the first to make me laugh out loud and second- the level of detail is intense and third I totes remember being little and some guy coming to my babysitter's house during a solar eclipse with a pair of these so we could look at the sun.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
*Interesting because the first part is nice and the second part is grossspice

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
*true dat, I wonder if the student was trying to be ironic or if it just happened...

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
*a very specific simile.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
*it IS ATM, NOT ATM MACHINE, which would be AUTOMATED TELLER MACHINE MACHINE rant over. I like the simile if only they hadn't written my pet peeve atm machine...

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
*I actually think this is a very good simile.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
*This is soo true! It is weird that Jeopardy is not on at the same time everywhere. My favorite is watching it on one channel at 7 and the other at 7:30 and knowing all the answers. :)

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.
* :D

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
*Does Nancy Kerrigan have unique teeth? I never knew.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
*Best Simile Ever

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
*Poor Grandad, but this made me lol, for reals

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
* I applaud the use of the word wont.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
*Awesome! A simile and an insult to Bro-in-law Phil at the same time.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
*lame and not funny

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
*Are you currently picturing a duck who lost a leg due to stepping on a land mine? poor little guy.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
*not my fav.

Thanks Jessie!!

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